Zambia Daily Mail ? Overcome unforgiveness in your marriage

WORDS OF FAITH with PASTOR KATAI
DOES your flesh seem to scuttle when you come into contact with certain people? When you hear the sound of their voice, does every fibre of your being recoil? Does your chest tighten when you think of them?
Are you embarrassed to admit this is the way you feel about the person you share your life with? There is a possibility Satan has you in his grip through unforgiveness.
Recently, at our local church, we had a hot service; the main service came with a sermon theme, ?Overcoming the spirit of unforgiveness in our lives?, which I wish to share with you. This theme got its main text from I Samuel 24, where King Saul made a decision to kill David. Reason? King Saul became envious and jealous of young David?s achievements (I Samuel 18:7-8). From that day King Saul declared war against the innocent, weaker and defenseless mortal answering to the name of David son of Jesse.
In the quest to restore any relationship, the first step is to identify your enemy. Too often in marriage when there is offense and conflict, we identify our partners as the enemy. I strongly feel that our partners are never the enemy. If we learn who our enemies really are, we can effectively fight the battles in our marriages and rise to victory. Our real enemies are the powers of darkness and our own flesh. These enemies often go unnoticed in the heat of battle. Our flesh seeks to please itself and cannot please God. The apostle Paul warns us about our flesh, in Romans 8:8, ?Those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.?
The powers of darkness intend for all marriages to be destroyed. If you commit to God and your partner, you will wrestle with the forces of darkness. Ephesians 6:12 declares, ?For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.? When we recognise our enemies, we are more effective in loosening Satan?s grip of un-forgiveness.
We often equate forgiveness with something warm and fuzzy. Truthfully, forgiveness is quite the opposite. Forgiveness can be quite painful when it involves someone you are madly in love with. In marriage, forgiveness is not ?Don?t worry about what you did, I?m fine with it and we all make mistakes.? It sounds spiritual and great coming out of our mouths, but inside we are struggling with hypocrisy. We are plagued by an abyss of pain, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Forgiveness is not lip service.
These unchecked feelings can potentially become emotionally, mentally, verbally, or physically murderous. Remember King Saul?s behaviour toward the young David. Forgiveness is not being so numb to pain that we are oblivious to reality. In marriage, when we embrace numbness our hearts transform into ice. Forgiveness is not forgetting the offense. Forgiveness is not choosing to inflict the price for the offense. We should all learn to honour God with our hearts and not just our mouth. We are being hypocritical or lying when we say we have forgiven but unforgiveness still rots our souls. Satan grips and weakens us through unforgiveness. He tightens his grip through a religious spirit that says the right thing while refusing to confront the offense and heal.
Are you struggling to forgive your partner? Read on please! How do you forgive someone who was never supposed to hurt you in the first place? Why forgive them? What about all the damage to your marriage and family? The best answer is you must; forgiveness was extended to you. Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15, ?If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.? If you refuse to forgive, you operate in sin and in covenant with Satan.
These questions and declarations are hard to swallow. You may have battled with them in your marriage, but today I urge you to come out victorious. We battle so much with unforgiveness because we cannot see our own sin. I cannot see that my unwillingness to forgive is just as ugly to God as the things I blame my spouse for. The reason we battle unforgiveness is because we can only see the depravity in the souls of others, ignoring the beams in our own eyes.
We can only win the battle of unforgiveness when we realise that we?re in need of forgiveness from God and our sweet partners. Furthermore, we can only win the battle when we?re willing to face the ugliness of our own heart and surrender our heart to God. We should realise our enemies are our own flesh and Satan, who loves to work in our flesh. Unforgiveness is a work of the flesh, and it will remain until you crucify it on the altar of forgiveness.
We struggle to forgive because we justify our rights and inappropriately apply God?s Word. Many of us have declared inwardly or outwardly, ?The Bible says, ?Be ye angry.? ? We forget the rest of the Scripture verse: ? ? and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath? (Ephesians 4:26, KJV). If we are honest, many of us are angry and sin for days, weeks, months, years. Many of us will carry the sin of unforgiveness to our grave.
Forgiveness becomes a struggle when we seek to please our flesh. We struggle because God demands that we be like Christ. God is as displeased with unforgiveness as he is with sexual sins, deception, lying, and envy. We must remember that any sin either of us could commit, Jesus paid for at Calvary. Who gave us the right to make our spouses pay for sin when we did not?
Due to the gravity of their offenses, we believe we have the authority to execute judgment on our partners. But God would never entrust vengeance into our hands (Romans 12:17-19). Why? Our sin-stricken souls will never view our spouses purely through the eyes of God?s grace. We should be concerned for ourselves when we seek revenge on the people we promised to love, honour, and cherish. Unforgiveness unequivocally implicates the wickedness hidden in our hearts and the depravity of our own souls.
Through many offenses, trials, betrayal, and calamity, I have learned real forgiveness. I have learned that the world?s standards for marriage are a slap in the face to God. When we decide not to forgive, we call it ?irreconcilable differences? or irreparable marriage?.? God calls it unforgiveness. Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is the only biblical sin for which there is no forgiveness. In most divorce cases, blasphemy is never mentioned.
Real forgiveness is threefold. Forgiveness means excusing the penalty for an offense, offering pardon. Forgiveness means renouncing anger and resentment. Finally, forgiveness is a choice. God gave all of us the power to choose. These definitions are simplistic, but they pack enough power to loosen the stronghold of unforgiveness.
We hinder the move of God because of too much pride to forgive. I learned that forgiveness is a choice. We make the decision to forgive, even if our emotions, feelings, and desires have not surrendered in obedience to God. As children of God, we live and walk by faith, not feelings. When we make decisions based upon feelings, we give Satan the rope to hang us with. Real forgiveness is demonstrating what Christ did for us on the cross.
The devil understands the power of forgiveness. He had the opportunity to behold the glory of God and the kingdom of heaven. He has been doomed to hell and is mad and desires us to share his fate. Satan knows that forgiveness redeems and restores relationships. Satan is self-employed to steal, kill, and destroy (John10:10). Unforgiveness opens the door for him to hold us back. Each day we incite harsh words because of offense and inflict the silent treatment, we strengthen Satan?s rope of entanglement. As the sun sets and we nurse anger, bitterness, and resentment, the devil smiles. We have embraced the power of darkness.
Satan is selfish and proud; when we are unforgiving we act like him. Unforgiveness is laced with pride, which cost the devil the kingdom of heaven. Loosen Satan?s grip and forgive. God?s forgiveness propels us into salvation and restoration. When we let go of wrongs, we loosen Satan?s grasp on our relationships. Your marriage can be restored and bring glory to God again. Blessings! Comments email:pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com or sms 0955/0967-778068.

Source: http://www.daily-mail.co.zm/?p=5800

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